Honey I’m Home
Episode 206
Fade In: Interior. Burke’s kitchen. Patrick is hugging Kathy with Jim, and Martin also in the kitchen.
Patrick: I can’t believe it. You’re home.
Kathy: Yes, I am and I’m never leaving again.
Patrick: Where’s Declan?
Jim: He’s not here right now.
Patrick: Huh? But where is he? Didn’t you run away with him, Mom? He’s still alive, isn’t he?
Jim: Yes, Patrick, he’s all right. He’s staying with Noel and Lena temporarily.
Patrick: I don’t get it. Why’s he doing that?
Martin: Take it easy, boy. Be glad your Mother’s home.
Patrick: But, Gramps–
Martin: Your Mother and Dad need time alone. Come on, I’ll take you to O’Leary’s for a burger.
(Colleen enters)
Colleen: (Shocked): Mom!
Kathy: Hello, Colleen. (She moves to Colleen, who avoids her.)
Patrick: Declan isn’t here, Col.
Colleen: Good.
Kathy: Colleen!
Colleen: That little brat has been nothing but trouble since he was born.
Jim: Hey, you watch your mouth.
Colleen: It’s true. First Maggie has him and she dies. Then Noel turns out to be the father. Then Mom runs off with him after being accused of murdering Tom Moore. It would be better if he wasn’t even born.
Martin: Knock it off right now! Can’t you see how upset your mother is?
Colleen: Upset about what? We’re her family. She abandoned us to keep a baby that isn’t even hers! I’m getting out of here.
(She runs out.)
Kathy: Colleen!
Jim: (Holding Kathy): Let her go for a while.
Martin: Come on, Patrick.
Patrick: I’m not hungry, Gramps. (Exits up the stairs.)
Martin: I’m glad you’re back, Kathy. (Kisses her cheek.) I’ll call you both tomorrow. Good night.
Jim: Good night, Dad.
(Martin exits.)
Kathy: I’ve certainly made a mess of things.
Jim: It’s all right. You were trying to do the right thing. The kids will understand that in time.
Kathy: How can they understand when I don’t? I’ve been behaving like a crazy woman. Running away living in a cabin with a total stranger holding on to a baby that isn’t mine?
Jim: But he is yours. Maggie gave him to you and he needs you and you need him.
Kathy: But Colleen and Patrick–
Jim: Colleen and Patrick are grown. Yes they still need us and they always will but Declan needs you in the way you want to be needed so why not give yourself the last chance to be the kind of mother you enjoy being?
Kathy: Oh, Jim, but then I might not have you. (Jim looks puzzled.) You said before that you weren’t sure you wanted to raise another child. Have your feelings about that changed?
Jim: Yes because I know how much you love Declan and because of that I love him, too. It will be fun to have a baby in the house again.
Kathy: All this talk of raising a baby again when he’s not even in our house. He’s with Noel and Lena.
Jim: Lena will take good care of him as much as she can but it’s not going to work. Noel will screw up as he always does and when it all falls apart we’ll be there to take Declan.
Kathy: Oh, Jim.
(He wipes away her tears and they lovingly kiss.)
CUT-TO: Interior. Romano’s Restaurant. Declan’s crying is heard. Noel is at the counter as Martin stands there.
Noel: What do you want?
Martin: I came to see how you’re doing with Kathy and Jim’s son.
Noel: He’s my son and we’re doing just fine.
(Declan screams.)
Martin: Sounds like it.
Noel: If this is all you came in here for–
Martin: Well I certainly didn’t come for the food. Ever since she married you this place has gone right downhill but that’s not a surprise. Everything you touch you destroy but you better not destroy that kid or you’ll be answering to me.
Noel: Another empty threat from the Burke men.
Martin: (Grabs Noel around the throat): It ain’t empty and it ain’t a threat. It’s a promise. (Shoves him away.) In Ireland we loved killing limeys like you.
Close up of Martin
CUT-TO: Interior. O’Leary’s Tavern. Paula is at the bar chewing on an olive from a martini looking a little put out as Melanie gets off her phone.
Melanie: (Lovingly on to phone): Okay, I’ll call you later, bye. (She hangs up) So what were you saying?
Paula: Does it really matter? I come here to tell you my exciting news and all you can do is talk on the phone to someone who doesn’t even matter.
Melanie: Don’t be so rude. She’s matters to me.
Paula: Oh, are you seeing someone?
Melanie: Yes I am.
Paula: Who is she?
Melanie: You don’t know her.
Paula: How do you know?
Melanie: You don’t.
Paula: Where did you meet her?
Melanie: On a dating app.
Paula: I don’t know that I would ever want to go out with someone who I met on a dating app.
Melanie: Hey, I’m allowed to do what I want. I’m a big girl and single. I don’t need you telling me what I should and shouldn’t do. Do you want another martini?
Paula: Yes, please and I want to know who this mystery person is.
Melanie: Stop. She’s a nice lady and we’re having a good time. I don’t see what you’re getting so upset about it for. (Pouring the martini) Oh, you didn’t think that you and I were–
Paula: Oh, no. (Taking the martini) I know we are just friends now and I’m okay with that. Besides I’m not so sure I’m gay anymore. Did I tell you that I had an affair with a married man while I was away?
Melanie: Plenty.
Paula: And I think I’m interested in one in Maple Falls. Do you want to know who it is?
Melanie: Richard.
Paula: Yes but how would you know that?
Melanie: Um he’s rich, handsome, rich, successful, rich, good-looking, did I mention he’s rich rich rich?
Paula: You make me sound like a gold digger. I have genuine feelings for Richard besides I’m making my own money now. That’s what I came in here to tell you.
(Martin enters)
Martin: Hey, Mel. Paula, how are you?
Paula: Hello, Father.
Melanie: Hi, Mart. The usual? (He nods) I’ll get it for you. (She exits)
Martin: (To Paula): So what’s new?
Paula: What’s new? I just got back to town today.
Martin: Oh did you go somewhere? (Melanie enters and gives Martin his beer.)
Paula: Did I go somewhere? I was in Florida working on a movie with the Julian Daniels.
Martin: Oh?
Paula: You know who he is?
Martin: No. Mel, can you make sure the burger is cooked all the way through? It was a little raw last time when I came here with Ginny.
Melanie: Sure, Mart. No problem. (She exits)
Martin: She’s a great girl that Melanie you know that. Go on with your story.
Paula: Why should I? Apparently you’re too concerned with your hamburger than you are with your own daughter.
Martin: (Quietly): Jesus.
Paula: And who’s this Ginny person you’re talking about? I hope you’re not getting yourself involved with someone else again like you did with Maggie.
Martin: Ginny is not like Maggie, God rest her soul, and I’ll thank you to keep your nose outta my business.
Paula: Maggie O’Leary was nothing but trouble. She had you believing that boy was yours when he was really Noel’s. Everyone paints her as some kind of saint but don’t forget she lured my husband into an affair.
Martin: Oh shut up. Nobody lured your slimey limey ex-husband into anything. For God’s sake you’re a lesbian and as much as I hate that bastard the man had to get it from somewhere and Maggie unfortunately took the bait.
Paula: Oh poor innocent Maggie.
Martin: That’s right poor innocent Maggie. Jesus have you sunk so low you’re attacking the dead?
Paula: I was merely expressing an opinion.
Martin: Well express it to someone else. While you’re busy attacking a dead person your ex-husband is in there destroying someone else’s life.
Paula: Well Lena would marry him.
Martin: It’s not Lena though he’s ruining her life too. It’s his son Declan. Kathy just came back with Declan and was cleared of any involvement in Tom Moore’s death but–
Paula: Kathy was away with Declan?
Melanie: (Enters from the kitchen with the burger and fries.): Is everything okay out here? You two are really shouting.
Martin: Mel, wrap it up and I’ll take it to go. I can’t stand being around Princess Grace another minute. (Melanie nods.) And for your information Your Highness a lot of things happen in our family that you know nothing about because you got your pretty little head firmly stuck up your fat ass. Here, Mel. (Throws money at her and takes the food in the bag.) Keep the change. (He exits)
Paula: Fat ass indeed. Well!
Close up of Paula
CUT-TO: Exterior. Main Street. Front of Dot’s house. Dot is putting out the trash as Martin comes stomping by.
Dot: Martin, are you all right?
Martin: Oh, shit. I missed my store. Sorry, Dot.
Dot: Don’t be sorry. You look upset. Come inside.
Martin: No, I’m no mood for company tonight.
Dot: I’m not company, Martin. I’m your oldest friend in Maple Falls. Come inside.
CUT-TO: Interior. Dot’s kitchen. Dot and Martin enter. He sits and she closes the door.
Dot: I was going to have a cup of tea. Do you want one?
Martin: Yeah, that would be good. Can I have plate and some ketchup?
Dot: You’re not going to eat that, are you? I can make you–
Martin: Dot, please.
(She hands him the plate and gets the ketchup out of the refrigerator and places it on the table. He unwraps the sandwich and puts the ketchup on his plate. She takes the cups and saucers down from the cabinet as she waits for the tea to boil.)
Dot: Do you want to tell me what has you so upset?
Martin: (Eating): No. I just want to eat my sandwich and fries in peace.
Dot: All right.
(The kettle boils and she pours the hot water in with the tea bags. She takes two spoons out of the drawer and puts each on the saucer and places them on the table. She takes the milk in a creamer from the refrigerator and sits pouring the milk into her cup and then doing Martin’s as well. She puts two lumps of sugar in her cup and two in his and slides it over to him.)
Martin: (Sighs; quietly): It’s on nights like this that it’s the worst. She always loved this time of year right after summer and starting into fall. I couldn’t believe it when she died. She was in that coma for such a long time I began to get used to it. At least I thought to myself she’s not dead. There’s still hope that she’ll come–
Dot: Martin, don’t do this to yourself.
Martin: After she died I think I was still in shock for a very long time but lately I’ve started to understand–. I think of her every second of every day. I turn a corner expecting her to be there. Young and alive and beautiful. I’m startled when she isn’t. I’m mad as hell at everyone and everything. I’ve taken to choking people and slashing portraits and threatening people and yelling at my daughter over some stupid thing–She’s not coming back, is she?
Dot: No, Martin, she’s not coming back.
Martin: Oh, Dot. (Martin begins to sob and Dot goes to him and comforts him holding him.)
CUT-TO: Close up of Jen
Jen: You’re what?
(Widen shot to include Sheri and Richard in Jen’s kitchen eating dinner.)
Sheri: I’m going to be a movie star!
Richard: Well that’s wonderful.
Jen: You mean you got the part?
Sheri: Yes.
Jen: With no acting experience?
Sheri: Yes.
Jen: How?
Richard: Jen, be happy for your little girl.
Jen: That’s right. She is my little girl and I know what my little girl is capable of. So how’d you get the part? The truth.
Sheri: I’m telling you the truth. I acted the scene. Julian Daniels, the director, loved it and he cast me in his movie.
Jen: Just like that, huh? No nudity or sex scenes or anything?
Sheri: No. I promise. Besides he doesn’t want to see me naked. He’s gay.
Jen: So? His whole audience isn’t gay. What’s the name of this movie anyway?
Sheri: I dunno. Something named Blood Mountain.
Richard: It will probably be the next Gone With the Wind.
Sheri: Gone with the what?
Jen: My little girl. You’re going to be the new Jane Fonda. You do know who that is, don’t you?
Sheri: Sure. She’s that old lady in that tv show with the other old lady, “Grace and Frankie”.
Jen: Right.
Sheri: Filming starts in a week so I have to pack my things–
Jen: Whoa! I’m still not sure about all this.
Sheri: What do you mean? You said I could audition.
Jen: Yes and you did audition but I didn’t say anything about you being away making a movie for a year.
Sheri: It’s not a year. It should be a couple of months at the most and I am eighteen.
Jen: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Sheri: Didn’t you run off to New York when you were eighteen and meet Richard?
Jen: Yes and other than meeting Richard it was a complete disaster. I don’t want the same thing to happen to you.
Richard: Listen why don’t we all cool down and think about this.
Sheri: There’s nothing to think about. I’m going to be a movie star and that’s final.
Jen: The hell it is!
(Sheri stamps her feet and goes upstairs. Jen takes her plate and slams it into the sink.)
CUT-TO: Close up of Andrew.
Andrew: (On the phone): Colleen…Colleen what is it? You’re coming up here tonight? No, that’s not a good-no I’m not telling you not to come–it’s just–no I’m not at the–no I got a room for myself. I felt like it, that’s all. Okay, I’ll give you the address. One One Six Waverly Street. Okay. I still don’t think-all right–see you in a couple of hours. (Hangs up) Now what am I going to do? How am I going to explain living here and flunking out of Yale?
(Widen shot to show Andrew in a seedy looking room as he takes a flask and take a swig from it.)
CUT-TO: Interior. Jim and Kathy’s bedroom. Kathy is in bed on her phone as Jim snoozes.
Kathy: It’s Colleen. She sent me a text. She says she’s going to stay at a friend’s house tonight. A girl named Jean that she met at Harvard. Do you know anyone named Jean?
Jim: (Sleepily): No. Good night, honey.
Kathy: (Puts down the phone): Good night, Jim. Oh, Colleen. Where are you?
Close up of Kathy
Fade to Black
Everlasting Love 