Act One Scene Two
(The stage is dark. We hear a woman reaching orgasm screaming happily “Jay!”)
(Lights come up)
(John is seated on the couch reading a book about George Washington and sipping his coffee as Jay enters from the stairs dressed casually and crosses to the bar for a cup of coffee.)
John: Tell me you’re not having sex by the pool at night.
Jay: (Pouring his coffee): I’m not having sex by the pool at night.
John: You’re lying.
Jay: (Smiling): Yup.
John: Really, Jay, don’t you think the neighbors can hear you?
Jay: I don’t care what the neighbors hear frankly. It’s none of their fucking business and it’s none of yours.
John: Well you make it be mine when I have to listen to her screaming Jay.
John: No. Why would I be jealous?
Jay: Because I can get it and you can’t.
John: I’m not interested in getting it, as you say, I am a happily married man.
Jay: Well if you’re so happy what the hell are you doing here?
John: I sometimes wonder that myself.
Jay: Then go. Nobody’s keeping you here.
John: That’s it, isn’t it. You are deliberately trying to drive me out of this house by having your orgies by the pool.
Jay: Orgies? I wish. I mean I’m good, John, but I’m not that good. I’m surprised though that you can no longer get it. I mean back in the day, man, you had that beautiful girlfriend whatwashername it started with a T–
John: Tessa Sinclair.
Jay: Yeah, Tessa Sinclair. Was she your first?
John: How should I know? It was all the way back in high school.
Jay: Well you never forget your first time. I’m telling you I would’ve lost it to her if I had the chance but we all know how much the ladies loved me in high school. Christ, even goats were telling me no. And then you had that girl with the big tits and the fat ass she was Mexican–
Jay: What was her name?
John: Angelina Del Torres.
Jay: Angelina! God, she was gorgeous.
John: And then I was fool enough to tell you about our lovemaking and you went into a food store and started talking about her in a very derogatory way to your friend and her mother and Grandmother were there and overheard you and went back and told Angelina and that was the end of that.
Jay: Yeah, I remember. Man, she really had a nice set of tits.
John: Yes. She did. What’s the point of discussing all of this now? I’m married to Claire and you’re bringing home every girl you can possibly find to satisfy your lustful desires.
Jay: You are jealous! You used to be able to get it and now you can’t and I can. Christ, you’re jealous! I’ll tell you what brings them home, John. Laughter.
Jay: Yeah I can make them laugh. I mean whatever ladies I do bring home and it’s not nearly as many as you say they are always in their fifties or sixties and some of them have had difficult lives and all they want to do it laugh. I’m mean they’ve been married, divorced, widowed. They have kids and grandkids and a job and their tired and they need a good laugh so I make them laugh. Now not every woman who comes home with me ends up having sex and sometimes I don’t even want them for that. I just want to know that I can still make someone laugh. I could make Dotty laugh and she made me laugh. I miss that. I miss Dotty.
John: I apologize for what I said about you and Dotty last week not having a twenty-fifth anniversary.
Jay: It’s forgotten.
John: She was a wonderful girl.
Jay: Yes, she really was. No one will ever be able to replace Dotty. Ever.
Paula: Excuse me? (Jay is surprised but John isn’t.) I was ringing the doorbell but no one answered.
John: No the doorbell doesn’t work. You are Paula?
Paula: (Holding out her hand): Yes, I’m Paula Wentworth.
John: This is my brother, James.
Jay: (He and Paula shake hands): Hello.
John: You’re here from the Real Estate agency?
Paula: Yes Wentworth and Wentworth Real Estate. Here’s my card. (She attempts to hand it to Jay, who doesn’t take it, and then gives it to John, who accepts it.) It’s a beautiful home.
John: I’m glad you like it. Let me show you around.
Jay: There’s no reason to waste the lady’s time, John, we’re not selling.
Paula: Oh? (To John) But I thought you told me–
Jay: What did you tell her, John?
John: Let’s discuss that later, Jay, right now I’m going to give Paula a guided tour.
Jay: You’re not going to give her anything. It’s not for sale sorry to waste your time.
John: You don’t own this house! It’s in Mother’s name.
Jay: Right and Mom is dead so unless we agree that we want to sell it then we aren’t selling it and I don’t agree and neither will Cindy.
John: There’s no need to drag Cindy into this.
Jay: She’s our big sister, John. John and I are twins.
Paula: Twins? You couldn’t be. You don’t look anything alike.
John: We are fraternal twins.
Paula: Oh, well, you learn something new every day. Listen, why don’t you two resolve whatever it is that needs to be resolved and call me when it is. It was nice meeting you both.
John: Yes. It was nice meeting you.
Jay: Wentworth and Wentworth. Is that you and your husband?
Paula: No. That was my late father.
Jay: So you’re not married?
Paula: One daughter. She lives in California and thinks she’s going to be a movie star.
Jay: So you’re divorced or widowed?
Paula: No. I’ve never been married and you?
Jay: I’m a widower.
Paula: Oh, I’m sorry. Any children?
Jay: Yes, three boys. All off on their own.
Paula: Well again it was nice meeting you.
Jay: Same here. (She waves and exits.) She seems like a nice lady.
John: I think you’re smitten. Who knows maybe one night she’ll be poolside screaming “Jay!”