Ladies Who Lunch

Episode 16

Fade In: Exterior.  Rocco’s Italian Restaurant.  Midday.  Cloudy.  We dissolve to the interior of the restaurant as Roxann and Patsy are in the middle of their lunch.

Patsy: It was such a surprise for you to come to the office and ask me out to lunch.

Roxann: Well why not?  I haven’t seen you in eighteen years.  I think in that time we should be able to find something to discuss.

Patsy: You know I love you, Roxann, you’re the best little sister a big sister could ever have.

Roxann: And I feel exactly the same away about you.  Now tell me about you and Peter.

Patsy: What do you mean?  You know all about Peter.  He’s brilliant, handsome, caring, loving and he’s in love with me.  What more could a girl ask for?

Roxann: (Sees Patsy’s glass is empty): Do you want more wine?

Patsy: Oh, I really shouldn’t.  I have so much work back at the office and we’re late as it is.

Roxann: Oh who cares about that?  (Holding up the wine bottle) Just a little?

Patsy: (Smiles): Well–

Announcer: As Roxann pours white wine into her Patsy’s glass both sisters are to learn more than they ever wanted to know in a town called Briarwood.

Opening Montage

Fade back into the same scene

Patsy is sipping from her glass filled with wine and giggling.

Roxann: What’s so funny?  All I asked is how good of kisser Peter is.

Patsy: I know.  It’s just–well, he’s very good.  He gets me so excited.  I’ve never been kissed like that before.  Who am I kidding?  I never had a boyfriend before Peter.  No man ever looked at me once they saw you.

Roxann: Oh, that’s not true.

Patsy: It certainly is.  When you and Joan used to run around with Ted I thought for sure he would marry you.

Roxann: Why would you think that?  The only reason Ted hung around Joan and I is because he was Joan’s boyfriend.

Patsy: Well he might have been Joan’s boyfriend but he had a mad crush on you.  If you ask me I think he still does.

Roxann: Pats, I think that wine has gone to your brain.

Patsy: It’s true.

Roxann: It isn’t.

Patsy: I saw the way he looked at you when you came to see Daddy in the hospital.  His eyes were sparkling and that smile well–

Roxann: Now you’re being silly.  We’re old friends.  We haven’t seen each other in a long time that’s all.

Patsy: You didn’t act like he did.  You acted like you couldn’t be bothered.

Roxann: Oh, I hope I didn’t make Ted feel like that.  I was preoccupied that’s all.  I was there to see the Judge–

Patsy: Well you must have known you’d run into him.  After all, he is Chief of Staff at Briarwood Hospital.

Roxann: I never really thought of it–

Patsy: Or him?  Ever since you left Briarwood–

Roxann: No I wouldn’t say that.  I’ve thought of him once or twice–

Patsy: He’s thought of you more than once or twice.  (Roxann makes a face.) If I’m wrong then what was his car doing parked underneath your bedroom window last night during the storm?

Roxann: Now I know you’ve had enough wine.

Patsy: I saw it there.  It ran into your bedroom.  The lightning was so loud I was scared so I ran to see you so we could cuddle.  You were sound asleep but your window was wide open so I went over to close it and as I did the lightning flashed again. I looked down and there was Ted’s car parked underneath your bedroom window.

Roxann: Are you sure?

Patsy: I know what Ted’s car looks like.  I’m not an idiot, Roxann.

Roxann: I never said you were, Pats.

Patsy: Well you treat me like it sometimes.

Roxann: I’m sorry if I do.  You know you mean the world to me.

Waiter: (Enters): Will there be anything else?

Roxann: No I think we’re all–

Patsy: I’ll have a big piece of chocolate cake with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top and some whipped cream as well.  I’ll pay for it myself.

Roxann: You don’t need to pay for it.  This is all on me.

Patsy: I can pay for it you know.  I’m rich too.

Roxann: (To the waiter; Quietly): Coffee.  We’d like lots of coffee and the cake for her.

Patsy: And the ice cream–

Roxann: (To the waiter; Quietly): And the ice cream

Patsy: And the whipped cream–

Roxann: (To the waiter; Quietly): And the whipped cream.  Thank you.  (He exits.)

Patsy: This really is so much fun.  (Sighs happily.) I can’t remember the last time I’ve been in here.

Roxann: Well I’m sure Peter takes you out places.

Patsy: Not really.  We tend to stay at his house.  Maria prepares something and we eat there.  Maria’s a wonderful cook and she’s been so kind to poor Kayleigh.

Roxann: Will you keep Maria on once you and Peter marry?

Patsy: I don’t think so.  I’ll do the cooking and cleaning.  I can cook you know despite what Aunt Amy says.

Roxann: I’m sure you can and I never listen to a thing Aunt Amy says.

Patsy: I know.  You really hate her, don’t you.

Roxann: Yes.  I really, really do.

(Waiter enters with a tray the coffees and the cake.  He places each down as they sit there quietly.  Patsy digs into her cake almost childishly as Roxann sips her coffee.  A beat.)

Roxann: Pats, what’s he like?

Patsy: What’s who like?

Roxann: Peter.  What’s he like?  (Patsy mumbles something back unintelligible.) Swallow, Patsy.  (She holds Patsy’s hand before Patsy can take another bite of her cake.) What’s he like you know in bed?

Patsy: I’m glad I didn’t take another bite of my cake.  I would have spit it out across the table.

Roxann: Then I’m glad too.  So?

Patsy: Well, I really shouldn’t discuss it–

Roxann: You’re blushing.  We’re sisters, Patsy, we can discuss things like this.

Patsy: What was your husband you know before he o’d?  That is mean.  I’m sorry.

Roxann: No he did o’d absolutely.  Julian was gay.

Patsy: How could he be gay?  You had Paris together.

Roxann: Yes we did and so we were able to have sex a few times and he had a wonderful relationship with Paris.  She adored him and he adored her.  He spoiled her rotten.  But Julian and I had a trouble marriage.  You see I knew he was gay when I married him.

Patsy: Then why did you marry him?

Roxann: I knew he could make me the world’s greatest fashion designer and he did.  He was the business end and I was the creative end and it worked wonderfully.

Patsy: But I thought he was a fashion designer before he met you.

Roxann: That’s what Julian led everyone to believe.  He had a deal with someone who would make the designs and then Julian would pretend he had done it.  Well Julian had a temper and one day he argued with this person and the person left.  Julian was screwed and then we met me.  So I became the fashion designer and made us money while he handled the business.  It wasn’t until after he o’d on coke that I discovered not only was Julian untalented when it came to fashion designing he was equally as untalented when it came to business.  People in the industry hated him.  They practically cheered when he died and then left broke.  So you called for me to come back to Briarwood because the Judge had a stroke and unfortunately it didn’t turn out to be fatal.

Patsy: (Giggles): You’re terrible.  The things you say.

Roxann: All right.  So I’ve answered your questions.  Answer mine.  What is Peter like in bed?

Patsy: To be honest I don’t know.

Roxann: What do you mean you don’t know.  Are you telling me that you and Peter have never–

Patsy: It isn’t that he hasn’t wanted too and I’ve wanted too but–

Roxann: But what?  For God sakes, Pats, you’re a grown woman.

Patsy: I know that and as a grown woman I have a right to decide when and if I want to have s(stammers)

Roxann: Sex!  The word is sex!

Patsy: Shhhh.  I know what the word is.  I’ve always dreamed of being a virgin on my wedding night–

Roxann: A virgin? Are you telling me that you have never had sex with anyone?

Patsy: No.  Who would have me other than Peter and I’m glad I waited because I can give my flower to him.

Roxann: (Laughs): Flower?

Patsy: You’re embarrassing me.

Roxann: I’m sorry.  Really I am.

Waiter: (Enters): Will that be all, Miss?

Roxann: Yes.  That will be all.  (He leaves the check.)

Patsy: I can pay for half–

Roxann: I can do it.  I want too and I didn’t mean to laugh when you told that you are still a virgin.  It just surprised me that’s all.  A woman as beautiful as you.

Patsy: Oh, Roxann, I’m not beautiful like you.  I’m just a mousey little thing.

Roxann: Is that really how you see yourself, Patsy? Your skin is like butter and your blonde hair with all those natural curls.  You dress a little frumpy but from what I can see you got a great body.  Any man should be happy to have someone like you.  Peter’s very lucky.

Patsy: You really mean that?  You’re not just saying it to be kind?

Roxann: Yes I mean it and I know people–even I–am not always kind to you.  You deserve kindness and once you marry Peter you will have it especially with all his money.

Patsy: Peter doesn’t have any money.

Roxann: What?  He’s a successful lawyer.

Patsy: I probably shouldn’t say this but since we are being so honest.  Peter is heavily in debt.  It’s not his fault.  His brother Jim had a serious gambling problem and Peter had to bail him out.  They didn’t talk much before that but they rarely if ever talk now.  Kayleigh’s private tutoring and paying Maria and if it hadn’t been for Ellie he never would have gotten that house.  She was the one with all the money.  Oh, look at the time.  I really should get back to the office.  You don’t mind if I run ahead, do you?  (Roxann shakes her head and Patsy rises) You know what’s funny?  Peter likes to call me his little moneybags.  Isn’t that cute?  See you later, Roxann.  (She exits).

Roxann: (Dryly): That’s adorable.

CUT-TO: Interior. The Judge’s bedroom.  Amy is opening the curtains as the Judge lays asleep in his bed.  She crosses over to him and then stands and looks at him as if she wants to kill him.

Amy’s voice: Imagine Will asking me if I have ever loved anyone.  After all these years–all these wasted years–the only man I ever loved is him and he doesn’t know it.  (She pokes him.) Wake up.  (He murmurs and remains asleep.  A big poke) Wake up!

Will: Ow!  Confound you, Woman.  I was dreaming of my Emma and then I wake to see you.  The horror of it.

Amy: Well it isn’t pleasant for me to look at you either. So you were dreaming of my sister, were you?

Will: Yes and what of it?  You aren’t attempting to control my dreams as well are you?

Amy: What is that supposed to mean?

Will: You know damn well what it means.  You attempt to control everything and everyone in this house.

Amy: Attempt?  I attempt nothing. I succeed at controling everything and everyone and a damn good thing I do. Where would you be if I hadn’t come here as you requested years ago to look after my sister and her children?  Feigning surprise when you walked in the door seeing Raymond and I.  You even told Emma to call me but we already on our way.

Will: Well she needed help with the children.

Amy: And with you.  She loved you but you didn’t love her.

Will: You assume a great deal, Amy Carstairs.  The impertinence of you to assume I didn’t love my wife.  You wouldn’t even know what love is.

Amy: And you do?  I wouldn’t call love spreading your seed all over Briarwood–

Will: That is disgusting!

Amy: It certainly is but you did it!  Even Barbara Lane–

Will: Don’t speak to me of Barbara Lane.  She’s dead and good riddance too.

Amy: That’s right.  She is dead.  Murdered.  Strangled to death.

Will: You are perverse.  I can see her being stranged to death makes you happy.

Amy:  Happy?  I wouldn’t know what that is. I don’t believe ever known happiness.  It’s a wasted emotion. But you asked me if I ever loved anyone? 

Will: So? 

Amy: I have.

Will: And who was the poor bastard?

Amy: Oh you wouldn’t know him.  I’ve loved him for a very long time.  Almost as long as I’ve been alive but I realized today that the person I love–loved–has been dead for a very long time.

Will: What are you babbling about?  Get me out of this bed and into my chair.  I want dinner.

Amy: And you shall have dinner, Judge.  You shall eat and you shall be merry until the day you die.

Will looks confused.

Amy smiles.

Fade to Black


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